Round and Round We Go
In case you haven’t heard, the herd is on the move again. Yep it is true. Our fate was sealed with an ominous private message from a great friend at 4 am a few weeks ago. The moment I read the message, I had this deep gut feeling that we would once again be moving, and quickly. I cannot say I was excited. I feel as though we just got here. We are just learning the area, just learning the culture, just learning how to properly say ya’ll, how to eat crawdads and cook with extra butter. Summer is upon us, the temp is in the mid 80s, the birds are out daily, the pools are warming up and school is about to end. This was to be our time to explore, expand and relax a little. And just like that, life changes.
Ever since that message my head has been in dizzy haze. My to-do list has been spinning at 1000 RPMs through my brain. Sell this, store this, buy this, fix this. Moving is not fun, moving is stressful. Especially three moves in less than three years; three moves each over 3000 miles, and each to a different country. Oh yeah did I mention we were moving back north, back to Alaska? Come on, that is pretty much like moving to a different country.
So as I sit and type this, I constantly battle the thoughts and anxiety welling up in my head and heart. I am acutely aware of the pattering of my heart, my every evolving task list, all the what-ifs and what-could-bes. It makes it hard to breathe and hard to sleep. I feel as if I am on a playground merry-go-round. Slowly being pushed faster and faster. As the ride speeds up, I close my eyes, drop my knees down to the rusted steel plate, wrap my arms tightly around the yellow chipped paint bar, hold on for all I am worth and try not to throw up. And it is this position I find myself in now. Dropping to my knees, closing my eyes and praying. Praying for strength, praying for wisdom and guidance, and praying for all those on the ride with me. And as I do that, I remember that I was the one who got on the ride, I was the one screaming “faster, faster”, I was the one longing for that feeling of exhilaration. So perhaps I just need to hold on a little bit longer, open my eyes, smile and enjoy that sick feeling that comes with ride, knowing that it will not last forever, and accepting that when I open my eyes, the temperature will be a little cooler and the scenery a quite grander. It will smell familiar,it will look familiar, it will feel familiar, it will be home.