How to shed a few hundred pounds
As D-day (departure day) approaches us like a charging bear, life changes from hectic to frantic. Moving houses is a huge task, moving cities is a giant task, moving states is a humongous task, and moving countries is an overwhelming task. There is so much to think about, so much to plan and so much to execute that it makes us physically exhausted, not figuratively, but physically exhausted. Our minds are cluttered, our days our cluttered, our house is cluttered and our shed was cluttered. You see in the midst of all this working and planning we managed to have a day of unplanned fun.
It was a pouring rain Saturday, a miserable day by any Alaskan’s standard sans the salmon. One of those days where the rain pounded so hard of the dark wet asphalt that the drops that missed you jumped up from the asphalt to bite you in the leg. It was of course the day I had chosen to empty our shed; for a few days prior we had found out that it was sitting on the electrical easement, right where the electric company HAD to put the box. The options; move the shed or get rid of the shed. My inclination was to sell it and have someone else move it. So Ryan and I began the task of moving the mounds of “stuff” from the shed to the garage. I must admit that I was somewhat embarrassed and ashamed of the stuff we just had to store. I know I took at least a truck load directly to the dump. Finally after a few hours the shed was empty and ready to be displayed to a potential buyer. Sure it was a little crooked, but there had to be someone out there that needed a 16X12 crooked tongue and groove shed. Right? I mean people in this state got a lot of stuff. Just then, as we loaded up for our dump run Jason shows up, presumably to help but I suspect that he wanted to make sure I wasn’t getting rid of any good stuff he might need. That’s when the trouble began.
You see now there are three men of action sitting around looking at a leaning shed, a worthless leaning shed. It took but a second for Jason to convince us that the shed was worthless and that it would be impossible to move without destroying it and instead we should tear it down. Well that sounded way too fun to resist, and without any planning, safety briefing, or permit, we found some straps hooked em up to the old Suburban and began to tear down that shed.
I can’t say things didn’t go as planned, because there was no planning, but they didn’t go as expected. Further, that darn worthless shed, crooked as piece of Homer driftwood, was stinking hard to destroy. It took several takes and many different tactics before we got her off her skids and drug her right in the middle of our driveway. Now what? We were stuck, the driveway was blocked, and the shed looked sturdier than ever. After several attempts to flip it over, it was time for old blue to roar to life. We got my truck running, full of trash mind you, and I proceeded to use it as a battering ram to knock the shed over. I have blogged about my truck in the past, it is blue, it is damaged, it is loud and it is a 5 speed manual, or what you would call a man’s truck and it begs to be used for more than dump runs. So as I sat in the seat I could feel the engine vibrating through my hand which sat on the shift handle. I gave the engine a few good deep revs and proceeded to back right into the shed. With each attempt I gained more confidence until finally I was able to go hard and fast enough to push it over the edge, without destroying old blue. Much better,we then had a crushed shed in the middle of our driveway.
This was a time to plan, over a cup of coffee and some cupcakes of course. The plan was to start cutting, ripping, smashing and tearing and we would load it on a trailer and take it to the dump. Again, contrary to our so-called plans, Jason decides half way into the plan that this shed needs a fire. So after some prodding I provided him with my favorite fire starter. Within 1/2 hour he had two fires going, and one was big enough to be seen from space. So now we had a smashed shed, power tools, fire and rain. It doesn’t get any better than that. Cutting, ripping, smashing, breaking, throwing, burning repeat, and so the rest of the day went. Of course we had to eat so there was a chicken taco break, candy, cupcakes and a smorgasbord of smores. But hey, we could indulge after all we just got done shedding a couple hundred pounds. Did I mention there was video?