The life and times of the Godfrey ten.

Not Me

It has become readily apparent to us that our house is haunted by naughty little imps. We have denied it for years, but lately the evidence has mounted to a point that to deny it would be sheer foolishness. We didn’t have to use a Geiger monitor, infrared cameras, or laser detectors; We don’t have pictures of them, we haven’t talked to them, no one has, and we haven’t seen them, just the trail of destruction they leave in their wake. I have thought about installing some trail cameras, but everyone knows they cannot be captured on a simple camera, again foolishness. So instead we have decided to live them, at least for the time being.

I can hear you screaming ” How do you know, what evidence? ” Well let me share the evidence with you, but be forewarned, your eyes will no longer be closed and you too will likely start encountering the impish little fiends in your abode as you are awakened to the clues surrounding you.

#1: Who keeps tracking wetness into the house? It isn’t Tracy, it isn’t me and it isn’t Shyla. Each and every one of my children swear it isn’t them. So the evidence tells me that these imps put on the kids shoes, when they are wet, and march around the house with nary a care. Leaving the kids shoe prints for all the world to see.

Backpacks laying around and nobody put them there. Exhibit #1

#2 Who keeps eating all the potato chips and putting the empty bags back in the pantry? And who is putting a small sip of backwash milk in the fridge? Tracy and I don’t eat chips or drink milk, and Shyla could’ve done it, but she prefers to eat food that falls on the floor. Again, it wasn’t any of our kids as they keep telling us to a child “not me!”  So again, who could it be? You do the math.

#3. Who keeps leaving the kids coats, blankets, shirts, pants and shoes strewn around the house? Again, Tra & I are out as suspects, Shyla, well she does get an occasional sock and run around the house like a cat with its tail on fire . But I have never seen her dragging anything other than socks, and a coat is definitely too big for mouse dog. So that once again leaves the kids and when each and everyone is confronted they all say “not me”, even if it was their clothes, shoes or coat. So once again the facts all point to one direction.

shoes just spread randomly on the floor. Exhibit #2

I could go on and on and on with all the evidence, broken faucets, tools, toys and games, missing tools, doors left open, lights left on, water left running and chores that were sworn to be finished, undone by the imps.

a jacket thrown mysteriously on the rug. Exhibit #3

So, based purely on evidence, it has become evident that not only are these fiends messing with us, they are attempting to frame our kids for their crimes! I am furious just thinking about it.Why can’t they pick on someone their own size and leave our innocent little never-do-anything-wrong kids alone? We often feel guilty accusing our kids of such misdoings, but I must continue to eliminate suspects, as that is what I do. It has gotten so bad that the little creatures have started dragging out my stuff and leaving all over; my shoes, coats, hats everything! An obvious attempt to frame me now that I am on to them!

another jacket, almost shoved into the vacuum in an obvious attempt to disable the vacuum. Exhibit #4

Now that you know, pay attention to the evidence around your house, especially if you have kids and often if you have a husband. Soon you will begin to notice the misdoings of these unseen critters

my desk, again with mysterious items strewn about in an attempt to frame me.

and perhaps you will be the first one to get photographic evidence. And if you need to borrow my Geiger meter, just let me know and I’ll ask the kids if they have seen it around. I swear I had it sitting on my desk.

2 responses

  1. Niki

    This is hilarious, Glenn! You should write professionally some day! In our house right now the common phrase is “Elli did it”…funny how quickly we learn the blame game 😉

    February 18, 2011 at 8:54 am

  2. LOL, this was awesome. I can see this turning into a childrens book!! – Do it!

    February 23, 2011 at 8:51 am

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