Our hope is in uhmorrow
I wish I could say it was like she never left, but it wouldn’t be true. She swoops back into our life and we savor every minute of it, not taking it for granted, but enjoying the moments that the Lord has blessed us with. Perhaps these unexpected visits are to bolster our faith, perhaps they are to encourage, perhaps they are just to bring us joy, or perhaps they are for Jo’s sake. She has been the one that has initiated the visits, she is the one that asks to come over and doesn’t want to leave. If we drive by the road she now lives on she whispers “don’t take me there”. When she comes over she asks to spend the night, and when we drop her off she asks to come back again “uhmorrow”.
Maybe God knows that she needs t0 interact with her brother and sisters and her mom and dad, and maybe she needs it just as much as we need it. Whatever it is I don’t want to question it, I just want to accept it and enjoy it. I want to pretend that it is forever, I want to pretend that she never left, that she isn’t going to leave, that she will spend the night every night and be with us every uhmorrow. But it is different because I know, for now, that her time with us temporary and fleeting and I believe that as much as we want her to stay, she yearns for it just as much. For she has asked “why do I have to leave” she has said ” I don’t want to go” with her lip curling and her eyes moist. It is almost unbearable. As “adults” we at least understand what is going on, we don’t like it, we don’t agree with it and we understand that this is a spiritual battle, not a physical one. But Jo, Jo doesn’t get it. All she knows is that we love for her to come and visit and we love to play with her and cuddle with her. Then we take her back and we don’t let her stay forever, we don’t let her stay the night, we don’t let her stay until uhmorrow. “We” don’t do it, that is what she knows.
So you see I can’t say it is like she never left because she has left. She knows it, we know it and it is always there. We love, absolutely love having her here and we will take her every day we can. We will never say no and we will pray without ceasing that she will be home, here with us ,where she belongs and soon. But until then, that feeling will be there, until, as we believe, she will be with us every day and more importantly every uhmorrow.