I find great irony in stuff. You see I remember when Tra and I were moving back home after college. We had no money, no jobs, a prospect or two and very little stuff. But that stuff was very very important to us. In fact it was so important that we borrowed $3000 from my Grandpa to buy an 18 foot dual axle trailer so that we could haul our stuff up to Alaska. We then built plywood walls 8 feet tall so that we could pile stuff high. Now, as I sit and type this there are only three items that I remember being in that trailer, a washer and dryer of the utmost cheapest variety that we had recently purchased, and a small table made from wafer board. Neither item we would need for years, neither item irreplacable, neither item that important. But at the time that was our stuff, it was all we had and it had enough value to us that we hauled it nearly 4000 miles through blizzards, mountains, wrecks, and Canada. I guarantee you it cost us more to haul or stuff than to replace it. I quickly found out the most valuable thing we brought with us from Missouri; the trailer.

Now the tides have turned. Over the last 20 plus years we have been blessed to have some decent stuff. Stuff it took us years to accumulate. Just one or two pieces of our stuff now is way more valuable, monetarily wise, than our stuff back then. It also has a lot more sentimental value; as pieces of stuff was acquired at significant moments in our live, moments that often involved kids.

But now that we have to pay around $5 a pound to ship it, it quickly loses its importance. In fact, that is a great way to see what stuff really means anything to you at all. Ask yourself, ” would I pay $5 a pound to ship this to my destination so that it could be with me forever?” If the answer is yes, then it is probably good stuff. Stuff that has true meaning and stuff that may assist in bringing you joy vs. just happiness. If not, then unlike Rambo, it is expendable. Rambo reference, for the uneducated

However, this theory is not foolproof, hence me calling it a theory. You see I can think of two pieces of stuff that I paid to ship that have very little sentimental value to me at all. They are merely critical tools that have become extremely useful in our every day life, my imac and our Keurig coffee maker. Sure I could live without that stuff, but I am definitely willing to pay to have em. Once you go mac you never go back. I think the same holds true for the Keurig.

In the end, all our stuff fit into 23 totes. Those totes are about 3 feet long and 2 feet wide. That means that we could stack those totes end to end in our 18 foot dual axle, 8 foot plywood walled trailer and nary start a second row. Contrast this with our last move from Anchorage to Soldotna, a move where we shipped in excess of 14,000 pounds of stuff. Where did it all go? Most of it went to good homes, homes that we will visit when we return, homes where we can see our stuff once again. And we can only pray that it brings those who have acquired it happiness, and even a small piece of joy at this time in their life. And when we come to visit, we can share stories about our stuff and remember when we got it and when we let it go. Because as much fun as it was to get it and have it, we are learning that letting go is extremely liberating. Just don’t touch our Keurig!

Although I am in the picture, Tracy packed every single one of these totes. I hope some of my stuff made it into at least one tote.

It was a pouring rain Saturday, a miserable day by any Alaskan’s standard sans the salmon. One of those days where the rain pounded so hard of the dark wet asphalt that the drops that missed you jumped up from the asphalt to bite you in the leg. It was of course the day I had chosen to empty our shed; for a few days prior we had found out that it was sitting on the electrical easement, right where the electric company HAD to put the box. The options; move the shed or get rid of the shed. My inclination was to sell it and have someone else move it. So Ryan and I began the task of moving the mounds of “stuff” from the shed to the garage. I must admit that I was somewhat embarrassed and ashamed of the stuff we just had to store. I know I took at least a truck load directly to the dump. Finally after a few hours the shed was empty and ready to be displayed to a potential buyer. Sure it was a little crooked, but there had to be someone out there that needed a 16X12 crooked tongue and groove shed. Right? I mean people in this state got a lot of stuff. Just then, as we loaded up for our dump run Jason shows up, presumably to help but I suspect that he wanted to make sure I wasn’t getting rid of any good stuff he might need. That’s when the trouble began.

You see now there are three men of action sitting around looking at a leaning shed,  a worthless leaning shed. It took but a second for Jason to convince us that the shed was worthless and that it would be impossible to move without destroying it and instead we should tear it down. Well that sounded way too fun to resist, and without any planning, safety briefing, or permit, we found some straps hooked em up to the old Suburban and began to tear down that shed.

I can’t say things didn’t go as planned, because there was no planning, but they didn’t go as expected. Further, that darn worthless shed, crooked as piece of Homer driftwood, was stinking hard to destroy. It took several takes and many different tactics before we got her off her skids and drug her right in the middle of our driveway. Now what? We were stuck, the driveway was blocked, and the shed looked sturdier than ever. After several attempts to flip it over, it was time for old blue to roar to life. We got my truck running, full of trash mind you, and I proceeded to use it as a battering ram to knock the shed over. I have blogged about my truck in the past, it is blue, it is damaged, it is loud and it is a 5 speed manual, or what you would call a man’s truck and it begs to be used for more than dump runs. So as I sat in the seat I could feel the engine vibrating through my hand which sat on the shift handle. I gave the engine a few good deep revs and proceeded to back right into the shed. With each attempt I gained more confidence until finally I was able to go hard and fast enough to push it over the edge, without destroying old blue.  Much better,we then had a crushed shed in the middle of our driveway.

This was a time to plan, over a cup of coffee and some cupcakes of course. The plan was to start cutting, ripping, smashing and tearing and we would load it on a trailer and take it to the dump. Again, contrary to our so-called plans, Jason decides half way into the plan that this shed needs a fire. So after some prodding I provided him with my favorite fire starter. Within 1/2 hour he had two fires going, and one was big enough to be seen from space. So now we had a smashed shed, power tools, fire and rain. It doesn’t get any better than that. Cutting, ripping, smashing, breaking, throwing, burning repeat, and so the rest of the day went. Of course we had to eat so there was a chicken taco break, candy, cupcakes and a smorgasbord of smores. But hey, we could indulge after all we just got done shedding a couple hundred pounds. Did I mention there was video?

looking beautiful

The three banditos.....

.... and the three princes

So she sat around the house for months with nothing to do, no way to release her creative energy except on her parents. It was politely suggested to her that perhaps the stage was calling her once again,  alas not in dance but in drama. Her eyes lit up a little and it seemed as if something so obvious should not have been such a surprise to any of us. Of course she took to it like a rainbow trout to roe.
After a semester of drama she tried out for the school play and actually got two roles. Neither was a lead, but both were scattered throughout the play, and she was critical to the start of the plot and the closing scene. The whole family got to enjoy the play, and the consensus was: She must love sword fighting because she smiled the whole time, Jeremy loved the sword fights but was disappointed she didn’t die on stage, she looked beautiful and did a fantastic job. We are so proud and maybe its time for her one woman show, just as long as she leaves the drama on the stage.

Short video clip of a couple of scenes from the play

The Cast

bravely waiting our turn to enter the amazing maze of no return

once you enter the red barn you may never leave

Now if you have never been in a maze of hay that is 20 inches high, there are a couple things to think about. Hay absorbs sound like a Shamwow sucks up soda. So your screams for help, well all they do is get you more freaked out and make you short of breath. Bricks of hay block out light, all light, and believe me when I say lighters are not an option. When you only have 20 inches to work with, you cannot use your knees, especially if you are full-grown, or over grown as in my case. So the military slide is a necessity, and doing the military slide over hay, well let’s just say hay will find its way in every area of your body, and I mean everywhere, especially when it is hanging over head. So if hay absorbS sounds like a Shamwow, then it absorbs air like a Super Shamwow mop with a mega twist handle for only 3 payments of $9.99. There is not a lot of air to breath in the hay maze, and I am not even claustrophobic; Tracy is. So I must admit that I was extremely proud of her when she conquered her fears and entered the maze, after much self deliberation and an external internal conversation.

Following dad into the maze, what brave smiles.

the bridge is the only place you can stand straight up and see any natural light

Once inside there really is no turning around, there is one way and that way is unclear. Luckily for us we all had flashlights and me, with a Game Warden’s keen sense of direction. Now prior to entering the maze I was given a hot tip, “look up”. Hmmm, I can’t even turn my bloody head, how am I gonna look up? I thought to myself as I came to the first crossroads. Right or left, right it was, with Jake, Ben, Kassie and my gasping wife in tow. “Worry not” I yelled, to myself as they could not hear me. “Hmmmm, this looks familiar.” And I realized we had just done our first full circle, all the sudden I felt a little short of breath, worried not for myself of course, but for those bravely laughing as if they were having fun behind me. This time I quickly took a left. I must have been going a little fast as I left everyone behind, but of course I had to scout out an escape route. Then I remembered to glance up to heaven, and out of the corner of my eye, on the edge of my L.E.D light I could make out the shape of wood, “ladder”. I quickly climbed to make sure it could hold the weight of the others, and at the top I had a little more head room, and there seemed to be more air. I was sure Tracy was far behind screaming and thrashing about, kicking over bails of hay looking for an emergency exit. To my surprise, she showed up shortly after I had helped the little ones and scolded them for excessively laughing and giggling to hide their fears and embarrassing their mother.

Jake screaming with fear... or laughing with fear... maybe just laughing

ben & kassie in the bridge area, the area of breathing I like to call it

The maze continued on like that, with bridges and areas you could stand, and more crawling, crawling so tight you had to turn sideways to get through. It even had a slide, and a fireman’s pole at the end. A pvc one where I learned that you do not want to wrap hands tightly around pvc and slide, especially if you need to have readable fingerprints.

Tra bringing up the rear and doing a fine job

waiting for mom, boy the flash sure makes a difference

All in all it was a lot of fun, for the kids. Tracy and I even did it a second time with them, just to show them how they could be brave and conquer their fears, not having to hide them behind huge smiles, giggles and words like ” this is so much fun” “this is awesome!” ” can I lead this time”. The false bravado touches a father’s heart. The best part of the hay maze, between all of picking hay out of …… areas, is that we had enough to make quite the bedding for our rabbit. Did you know hay sticks to tears?

Escaping from the jaws of the evil beast! Note Jake running full speed away.

Eagle River circa 2000

Dorian Kodiak circa 1999

Alli, typical of a high school girl, budgeted about an hour and half to get ready. She was extremely excited to see her friends and get the year started. Dorian, typical of a high school boy, budgeted about 1/2 hour to get ready. Dorian likes, loves his sleep. To him, the worst part about school is getting up before 1 pm, and I am not joking. For a kid that likes hunting and fishing so much, he sure can sleep. Then our surprise guest was mom, up at the crack of dawn, getting lunches ready, nervously checking every last detail, holding back the tears as they walked out the front door.

2000?

Missouri 1997

The plan was for me to drop them off on my way to work, which I did. I felt like I started my new career as a bus driver of two, and I can’ t say I liked it all too much. The roads are slow, the lines are long, there are 16 year old drivers and giant yellow buses all over the place, with kids darting in, over , under and through cars all around you. A little stressful for a man with a low patience tolerance such as myself. The second part of the plan was that Tra would pick them up every day after school. We went to plan b. I had to come home early due to minor health issues, so I called and told Tra I would grab them on the way home. Let me tell ya, pick up time is much much worse than drop off time. The kids are faster, the buses slower, the parent drivers more impatient and the lines much longer. Finally, after a quick text sending the signal I was amongst the throng of plastic, metal and rubber in front of the school, they emerged from the school and found me.

First year of football in Eagle River 2001

2000

I was very excited to hear the exploits of the day. During the drive in I shared stories from my days as big man on campus, excited for the new adventures they would experience. As they got in the car I blurted out “so, how was it?” Dorian – “uh, Okay I guess” Alli- ” I hate all my classes, my teachers are mean” . Well we are off to a great start! Eventually, after much interrogation, sighs, “I dunnos” and “I guesses”, I was able to ascertain that things went well and that they found a lot of their old friends. Alli seems most excited about Drama class, which in my opinion was a natural fit. Dorian seems most excited about playing basketball. Me? I am most excited to find out that the real bus runs right by my house.

1998

my all time favorite picture of Dorian & Alli, circa 1999

Yet every Sunday afternoon we do just that. It gives us a knot in the bottom of our stomach and a fist in our throat. We do our best not to think about it, but sometimes it just sneaks up on you and you realize the gravity of the situation and the pawns we have become in that struggle that is her life. Further, instead of getting easier as the weeks pass by, the pain increases, and the reality of the weeks and months that we have missed weigh heavy on our souls and cloud our minds.

We pray, try to lighten the mood, and encourage her telling her that she will be back, and maybe, just maybe next time it will be for ever. So from the time we pick her up on Friday to Sunday, we try to make the most of our time, and that is just what we did this Fourth of July weekend.

We started the weekend with a 2 hr. parade, yes 2 hours! An hour and a half of it were Harley riders and wrecked race cars. But the kids got tons of free candy, and after all isn’t that what Independence Day is all about?

Jo loving the deer. He better be glad hunting season is still a month a way.

candy hounds, this is how the spent 90% of the parade. I don't think they saw but 2 floats.

Jo took a picture of daddy

After the parade we boogied down to Clam Gulch and hung out at the beach all day. The weather was absolutely perfect and we staked claim to a great section of beach. The kids played in the freezing water, the miry clay, the unstable bluff and had a great time. If we hadn’t forgot the hot dogs, it would’ve been perfect. Good thing Tra thought to pack some meat for hamburgers and saved the day.

every day at the beach must include rock throwing

Ok, the water's a little colder than I thought

Hmmmm, looks like she does at home.

hmmm, looks like he does at home ( minus the cool shades & fire)

you know how I feel about cameras!!

I don't remember painting red, white and blue on my toes... I thought I went with straight blue.

Olivia and Jake

Jake and Jo

The warrior with the farmer tan, Ben.

No hot dogs, no problem

From the clan of ignorant fools.

Sunday was another beautiful day, and after church and a fried chicken lunch, the slip-n-slide was calling my name. I didn’t answer it, but the kids did.

Jake prepping the slide for maximum slippage.

Jake in action, and yes this is a redneck slip-n-slide.

Livy in action

uhhh, Kassie in action?

a redneck slide must have a redneck fort

sisters forever

this is how you do it.

spray action

Jo eating something that is probably not meant to be eaten

Every week I would talk to them about their projects and how they were going and get they typical teenage response, “good”. Everything is always “good”. Specifics do not exist, and if you try to get specifics, you get attitude. And me and attitude don’t get along, so I live with “good” for the most part. I tell you all this so that you can see what their definitions of good is with the following picture examples.

At the end of the semester they brought their projects home, and I was somewhat impressed… with Alli’s. Dorian’s was another story. They both decided to make a Costa Rican inspired coffee maker due to our recent trek south of the border. Both Tra and I thought that was a fantastic idea, (even if it was my idea) and we were very excited to see the finished products. So I have enclosed pictures of the finished products.

Alli's costa rican coffe maker bird's eye view

Alli's side view, notice the great lines and curves

Alli's great color, just overall great product. Can't wait to use it.

And now Dorian’s:

It takes a little more vision to get Dorian's concept here.

Maybe from this angle..... nope.

At least he got the "DUKE" sign done, that's something.

The good news, they both passed. The bad news Dorian’s looks more like firewood than a coffee maker. Apparently there was limitation on what tools could be operated by the students, therefore Dorian “DUKE” Godfrey wasn’t aggressive enough to get the teachers attention and missed out on some cuts. But fear not people, dad and him are going to get it done, before we move to Costa Rica. If you are really nice to us and comment, you may get one for Christmas, if we finish it by then. Also, I will do a youtube video of us making coffee in one of them soon, now I got ya really excited.

Another issue is the heat. I do not think it could be stuffier or hotter in that auditorium. The show is free, of great quality, and in a small town that equates to 300-400 hot bodies in the seats, and another hundred dancers heating the place up from their sweaty dancing. So there is naturally generated heat, which seems to often be accompanied by an odor for some odd reason, and not pleasant.

Not only did I get to do this Saturday for Olivia, but Sunday for Kassie as well. So that would be 4 minutes of my kids for 5 hours of dance. Post lunch, Sunday afternoon, darkness,heat and music all mix together to make a great nap time for dad. 

None the less, I am very proud of all my girls. They are awesome and they have some great smiles and they did a great job dancing this weekend. It was all Alli could to do sit in the seat. In fact she danced every one of her dances while sitting in her seat, and at one point got up and danced a jig in sync with her dance crew on stage, except she was back in the doorway. I feel bad for her after the hundreds of hours she put into practice and two weeks before the big show, her knee gives out. And I feel bad for me, cuz if Alli was able to dance then I would have got to enjoy about 60 minutes of dance out of 5 hours. Poor me, at least I still have soccer and soon you will too…. on this blog.

2009 Group Dance Photo

First an update on Jo. Recently I realized that I had not updated all of you as to the status, that is because the status is quo. We pick up Jo on Friday at 5 pm and then drop her off Sunday at 5 pm. This has been going on since before we left for vacation and will continue until????? We have still seen signs that cause us concern, so please continue to pray. 

Her last weekend here we took the opportunity to go out on our snowmachine, a machine given to us by some extremely giving people. I took most of the kids out and let them drive me around, and they had a blast. You may recall, about 4 years ago Dorian had a little “incident” on a snowmachine a few years back and we haven’t gone out much since. 

Now hold on tight!!!

Ben tended to get a little throttle happy, and at one point I thought he was determined to jump the Sterling Highway, and not on purpose. His second time out he seemed to have the hang of it. 

Ready for takeoff

Olivia was a natural. She has the touch and went just the right speed for dad’s taste. 

Livy scaring daddy

Kassie too seemed to have a great touch and as usual her smile never left her face, which in turn made me smile. 

Ben waiting patiently for his second turn

Jake and Jo loved it. Though a little apprehensive at first, they soon warmed up to the adventure and the next thing I knew they had their hands on the throttle and apparently thought that I should go a little faster. 

If we are not back in 5 minutes, send out the Troopers.

I thought we were going on a hay ride.

The next thing I knew, 2 hours had flown by and it was time to get ready for Sunday night church. Now if I could only get mom to come out for a ride, then I would have accomplished something. She has this “thing” about outside activities in the winter. My true Alaskan woman.

Jo showing daddy how to go faster

Uncle Brad and Auntie Jenna at Melting Pot North Carolina

NLAG cleaning crew with the sweet vests.

Perhaps that is what we are experiencing, we have turmoil in our life and then our eyes are open to all the turmoil around us, and there does not seem to be a shortage. I thought things were suppose to be better with our new Pres. Just kidding, don’t get offended, just a little joke. I don’t doubt that that is part of it, but I also truly believe that there are seasons of difficulities, seasons of testings, seasons of despair. It is all over in the Bible, look at Joseph, Job, Daniel, Noah, some brought on themselves, some did nothing apparent to cause it. Some of it focused on one, some focused on a family, tribe or nation. Could we be experiencing the same? It is possible, but I am not sure.

Angie belting one out.

uncle and nephews

I am not sure which of these fit, nor do I think it matters. What matters is that our hope is not in this world. What matters is that we have a God who loves us, always, period. What matters is that he brings those into our lives,who, if we let them, can aid us through these times. Not usually with words, but with love, comfort, tears, and honest true compassion. What matters is that we are here for a reason, and if we walk in God’s word and in his desire, in the end it will be as it should.

We are truly blessed to have this. We are blessed to have a strong family, a family that has survived numerous tragedies and has come out stronger through the other side. We are blessed to have true friends, friends who when they say “let me know if I can do anything” mean “anything”. Friends who pray, often harder for us than we do for ourselves. And a church to bring us all together. 

  

The last scragglers.

Road trip! No dudes allowed.

So today I want to write to you out there in the blogesphere, those of you who take the time out of your day to read this drabble, those of you who appreciate us, and those we appreciate. I want to thank you all so much, it truly is a huge uplifiting to us, more than we can express. I know it seems we have been a bit introvert lately, but it is just us getting grounded again before facing everything full force. We appreciate the space and time you have allowed us, and we love you and know you really, really want to help. There may come a time soon when we will need that help, and we will let you know.

A sad day for KNLAG

Beauty pagent, you're all winners in my book.

A truly motley crew.

So in honor of you I have spent hours digging through some old files on my computer to find some of your finest moments, I hope you enjoy them. 

Grandpa Gugel at 91.

 I know this seems mushy, again, but I think it is Niki’s fault. She had a very introspective blog the other day and it made me introspect. I think we need Ty to blog about his Rhino some more, lighten things up. Or even better, maybe he can blog about his ballet days, with photos included of course.